How Ruthie Realized She Shouldn’t Sleep In a Bunk Bed Anymore

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She fell out of it.

5 feet crashing down onto the hardwood floor- landing on her left knee, her left wrist, and her lip.

The one night she decided to wear her retainer.

She tried to laugh, but her lip was so bloody, that she yelled in pain instead.

“Were you drunk?” asked Ruthie’s dad the next morning.

It would’ve almost been less embarrassing if she was drunk, less embarrassing than falling out of a bunk bed when she was completely sober and completely awake.

But let’s be real, it was all kind of hilarious. Totally blog-worthy.

There was nothing quite like listening to Ruthie’s mom explain to the receptionist at the doctors that her daughter fell out of the bunk bed, hurt her knee, and now can’t walk.

Ruthie began to giggle uncontrollably listening to that phone conversation (OW! Her lip!); the receptionist probably thought they were talking about a 5-year old. Ruthie was 21.

And Ruthie still finds it funny. She can laugh about it now without her lip hurting; She still has to limp down stairs and run on the elliptical instead of the treadmill though.

Now she sleeps in a big girl bed.

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The One Where They Slept in a Krispy Kreme Parking Lot

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Once upon a November 1st,

A Krispy Kreme was scheduled to have its grande opening at 6 am. The first 100 in line would receive a dozen donuts each month for a year! So, Chaela and Ruthie decided they were going to be some of those hundred people, if at all possible!

They began planning- they would spend the night, wear their Halloween costumes, pass out candy, set up a tent, bring lots of food, have clothes for work the next day, etc. They planned to leave immediately after work on Halloween day.

4:30 Halloween came and Ruth began the 30 minute drive to Chaela’s to get suited up before Krispy Kreme.

“Expect traffic delays on Whiskey Road today! The new Krispy Kreme opens up tomorrow, and lines are already forming!” Declared the radio station Ruthie was listening too.

She freaked out. OMG we are not going to make the first 100!! She sped the rest of the way to Chaela’s.

But they did make it. They showed up at 6pm, and were numbers 24 and 25 in line. And by 10 pm, there were only 35 people in line. But Ruth, Chaela, and those 35 people had a grand ol’ time- there was a dj, and dancing, and free pizza! And those 35 people sure did get a lot of Halloween candy, because Ruth and Chaela had planned for a larger crowd than that.

Chaela and Ruthie were the only ones in Halloween costumes and they only ones with a tent- so they felt pretty cool. The Aiken Standard newspaper thought they were pretty cool too… There may be some embarrassing photos of them out there on the internet. Ruthie’s not telling.

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Also, Ruthie and Chaela know how to put up a tent by themselves, in case you were wondering. So don’t assume they can’t just because they are cute girls in heels. Okay? Thanks.

The girls got 4 hours of wonderful sleep in their tent, and were able to obtain their dozen donuts a month for a year (SUCCESS!). So if you are in need of donuts, they may be the girls to ask. And if you ever need someone to make your slightly boring event more fun, they might be the girls to ask.

Abbie is a Potato

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Once upon a time,

 

Abbie was on the volleyball team in high school.

If someone has a jersey and goes to practice but never gets played, they’re still on the team right?

Abbie never ever got played. Well, maybe once.

Chaela, Katelyn, and Ruthie even begged the coach (with much yelling during games) to put their bestie Abbie in, but it still never happened. Silly coach, too focused on winning!

The girls still showed up to every game of Abbie’s and even wrote her a special cheer/song:

*Should be sung to the tune of the B-I-B-L-E song*

“A-B-B-I-E

Yes that’s the girl for me

She sits on the bench like a po-tay-to

A-B-B-I-E”

If you have a friend named Abbie, you may borrow this song.. Just give credit where credit is due!

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All these people cheering for Abbie

The Large Sum of Money

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Once upon a time, Ruthie’s mom was paranoid that all the banks would shut down, and she advised Ruthie to keep a large sum of cash hidden away in case terrible things happened.

So Ruthie put a large sum of cash in an ugly fuzzy sock. She kept this sock tucked away in her sock drawer.

“You are going to lose that,” said Autumn. “You should just put that in the bank”.

But Ruthie kept it in the ugly fuzzy sock that she never wore.

One month later, all the girls moved out of their apartment.

Boy, had they accumulated a lot of unnecessary junk over 3 years.

They filled 5 bags full of old puzzles, Halloween costumes, and socks to bring to the Salvation Army. Everyone got rid of a lot of stuff; they were all in a bind to get their things out of there by the deadline.

Ruthie put all her earthly belongings (minus her recent Salvation Army donations) into her parents’ truck and her cute little car, saying “bye bye” to sweet Clemson. She spent the next week unpacking all her things at her parents’ house. But as the week went by, Ruthie began to realize something horrible…She didn’t know where her ugly sock was.

She looked through every trash bag, every suit case, every box, but her large sum of money was missing.

“Oh my gosh… I think I must’ve donated it to the Salvation Army on accident!” Ruthie thought to herself. “I mean, I was in such a rush to move out, and that sock is awful ugly! I must have gotten rid of it.”

Ruthie felt horrible. She felt like the most terribly irresponsible person in the world. Young adult? Yeah right! Ruthie told no one about her predicament. With waiting tables all Summer, she would make up for her loss. No one had to know about her awful mistake.

But Ruthie has to share things with her girls! So one night, a few months later, Ruthie confessed to Katelyn and Chaela about her loss of the large sum of money. It felt good to get off her chest and to be able to laugh about it. Yes, Ruthie was terribly irresponsible, but life is more than money. Sometimes Ruthie freaks out about money too much, and this was God’s funny way of showing her that He is in control of such things.

Ruthie didn’t tell Autumn about her loss, because she was scared of what Autumn would think and knew Autumn would make fun of her (sorry Autumn, but you would have. You told Ruthie multiple times she wold lose it. And you know what? You were right!).

A few weeks later, Autumn came over to Ruthie’s house to help clean and organize Ruthie’s room. They wanted to hang a picture on the wall, so Autumn brought down Ruthie’s tool box to get the hammer and nails.

“Ewww, Ruth. You are so gross! You have an old sock in your toolbox. This better not be dirty!” exclaimed Autumn.

“Oh. My gosh, Autumn. That sock has a whole lot of money in it..” said a relieved, grateful, and shocked Ruthie.

And then Ruthie admitted the whole story to Autumn. And then she told her dad. Who told her mom, who was hopefully not too ashamed. And then Ruthie told you, because she’s crazy.

But don’t go searching through her sock drawer, because Ruthie brought that money to the bank (and gave some of it to charity. Because obviously, with a story like this, some of that money needed to go to charity!).

Moral of the story: It might be good to keep some money outside of the bank, but if you know you are prone to losing things, think twice about it!

The One Where The DMV was Actually Fast

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Once upon a time,

Ruthie turned 21 years old.

So, she had to do what all Americans do on their 21st birthday- go to the DMV to get her license renewed, of course! I don’t know what else you could be thinking of.

The North Augusta, South Carolina, DMV does not deserve the well-known DMV stereotype of extremely slow service. They are fast, kind, and efficient. Ruthie was quite pleased with her trip there. The wait was so short that she couldn’t finish a whole page of her book (The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson. Ruthie highly recommends it.),  and  her new driver’s license photo was so cute! Because of their efficiency, Ruthie was going to have time to go back home and eat some lunch before work!

Ruthie carried her book, new license, and purse to her beautiful car in the DMV parking lot, admiring her cute new license all the way. She plopped down in the seat, started blasting All Time Low, and prepared to drive away.

Hey… where’s my license..” Ruthie thought to herself. “Oh well, it probably fell on the floor.”

AAANNDDD she sped off.

—– 35 minutes later—-

Ruthie is flipping her crap.

She can’t find her brand new license.

She has enlisted her poor mother to help her look for it. Still no luck.

She wasn’t expecting to clean her car out today, but sometimes the unexpected happens.

—– 20 minutes later —-

Ruthie’s mommy has driven her BACK to the North Augusta DMV.

They looked in the parking lot, the bushes, under lots of other peoples’ cars, the lobby… No luck. Soooo, Ruth had to get a brand new license. She talked to the same sweet receptionist, got a new brand new photo taken, was empathized with by all the employees and other DMV customers.. It only took them 15 minutes to hand Ruthie her second brand new license of the day. She held it in her hand, took a deep breath, and tried to believe everything would be okay. She would still make it to work on time- hungry… but on time.

“Hey! Are you Ruth??” asked a random guy at the DMV. “I tried to find you on Facebook. I found this license in the parking lot!”

— 25 minutes later—

Ruthie is back home with her brand new OLD license and refunded 25 dollars from her brand new NEW license. The North Augusta DMV probably had to shred that thing. I’m not an omniscient third person writer… so I’m not positive.

Though she is a little bit sad and hysterical, she is excited to tell everyone about her interesting morning.

She shoved some cabbage soup down her face, and prepared to leave for work.

Hey…. Where are my keys?…” Ruthie thought to herself.

Musky Dines

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Once upon a time,

Autumn and Ruth were at the grocery store buying strange snacks to bring to a board game party (they’re pretty cool, I know). So far they had picked up Bacon Mac ‘n Cheese Lay’s, sweet potato chips, and the Reese’s Chips Ahoy. Autumn was off looking in the frozen desserts section, and Ruth was left to herself.

She went to the produce section, like the nutritionist she is, and found herself staring at these boxes of golden and purple grapelike fruits — Muscadines..

Ruth had heard of Muscadines before; they are grown right in her area of South Carolina after all. But she never had one, and they were calling to her just a little bit as she stared at them mesmerized. It was hard for her to feel like a true Carolina girl without having tried this fruit!

“Hello ma’am! Can I help you?” asked the adorable little brunette manager in her cute polka-dot cardigan.

“Sure! Have you ever had a muscadine? Are they good??” inquired Ruth.

“You’ve never had one?? Get a box. They’re great” said the manager-lady turning around and heading back to help other customers.

“…Do you know how to eat a muscadine?” the cute manager woman asked turning her head back to look at Ruth.

“Well.. no.. Is there a special way?”

“Here! We’ll do it together!” exclaimed the lady as she rushed back and popped open a box of golden muscadines.

Ruth and manager-lady faced each other, both holding a golden muscadine.

“Okay, so what I do is I peel a bit of skin off..”

They both did.

“and then I suck the yummy inside out!”

They both did, making a funny sight in the middle of the produce section.

The golden muscadine was pretty okay tasting. Not superb, but okay, Ruth spit out the seeds into her hand and thanked the manager-lady for showing her the proper way to eat muscadines.

A perplexed BI-LO employee walked up.

“Did you tell her to eat muscadines without the skin?? The skin is the most fun part!!”

“What? You eat the skin. How weird.” she retorted.

“No! It’s the most fun!”

Manager lady then proceeded to ask multiple shoppers how they ate their “musky dines”.

“Do you eat your musky dines with the skin still on???”

“…uhhhh….”

Ruth laughed as the manager and the employee continued to argue about how to properly eat a muscadine.

“Hey, which is better? The golden or the purple?” she asked.

“Oh. I like the purple better” replied the BI-LO employee.

So Ruth bought a box, even though they weren’t so good, because how could she not? The cute manager-lady had sacrificed so much time on her!

They weren’t so much of a hit at the board game party… But Ruth has found she really enjoys the purple muscadines.

She has also found she likes to eat them with the skins still on, but perhaps we shouldn’t tell manager-lady that…

Let’s Just Say It Involves The Police

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Once Upon a time (*cough* yesterday *cough*),

Autumn and Ruth took a lovely stroll around a university that shall remain unnamed.They walked; they talked; they tried locked doors, and altogether had a glorious time on that empty summer campus. But on the way back to the parking lot, they saw something mighty suspicious…

A girl, who looked to be in her twenties, was trying to open the hatch of Autumn’s car, Oliver.

Now, Autumn and Ruth have both had those “oops I accidently  tried to open this vehicle, but it’s not actually mine” moments, but this girl seemed excessively freaked out when she saw Autumn and Ruth walking her way. She quickly moved towards her boyfriend who was about twenty yards away and up to some suspicious activity himself.

He was hunched down and situated between two cars, one of which was quite nice and sporty looking. He had both of the cars’ doors open and appeared to be doing something in the driver’s side of the sporty one.

“They could have car troubles” Ruth thought to herself “Or they could be, you know, Hotwiring it!

Autumn and Ruth walked with haste to Oliver, Ruth with her head down and Autumn observing everything, and they drove away.

“Should we call someone?” they debated.

“That was super sketch.”

After a few minutes, Autumn handed Ruth the phone with the university police number on it.

“Call if you think you should,” said Autumn, who has a strong sense of justice but is scared of making phone calls.

“Eh. Okay. What the heck,” said Ruth, whose sense of civic responsibility is rather small, but who also talks on the phone quite frequently.

She dialed.

As she awkwardly tried to explain the suspicious activity they observed using a lot more “ums” than necessary, Ruth heard the lady on the other line talking to someone else.

“Hold on, I think we have a witness to the theft on the phone!”

Next thing Autumn and Ruth knew, they were back at the college explaining to an officer everything they had seen. The officer took their heights, weights, hair and eye colors, addresses and phone numbers.

Turned out the car was stolen and then abandon, thieves unfound.

The description of the car takey people and their vehicle will not be disclosed, so that you don’t start suspecting your BFF Jill of being a car thief. (“OMG. Suzie has a tye dye shirt too… I’ve seen it.)

Autumn and Ruth drove home a bit later than expected that night, but they still made it to Panera before closing, and that’s all that matters.

They have still not been called to do a line-up, but Autumn and Ruth think that’s a good thing considering they probably wouldn’t recognize the law breakers anyways.