Do You Like Noobs?



The three laughing girls walked past the table on their way towards the library.

“Hey! Do you like Noobs?” Ruth heard the girl at the table shout out to the passing world.

Noobs? That delicious chocolate covered peanut candy?

Ruth noticed a large bowl in the middle of the table. That must be where they keep the Noobs.

“I do!” answered Ruth, walking towards the table. Arliss and Hosanna slowly trailed behind Ruth towards the table.

“You do? Awesome!” said table girl, handing Ruth a sticker that pictured a pair of cupcakes with conspicuously placed cherries on top.

Ruth noticed there were other interesting stickers on the table: beer bottle with two limes at the base, elongated pair of scissors with oddly symmetrical finger holes, pickle between two eggs. She questioned whether table girl actually said “noobs” earlier.

“We’re having a seminar tonight with the world’s only sexologist! Take a flyer! We also have pamplets about birth control, because we all know how hard it is remembering to take it. Ooh, and please take some condoms! Don’t be shy!” Exclaimed table girl, extending out the bowl that did not contain chocolate covered peanuts.

The three virgins stood awkwardly, smiling sheepishly and taking no condoms.

“Come on now, ya’ll can’t be shy. I mean, check out this shirt I’m wearing!” said table girl, revealing her I’m a virgin (but this shirt is old) printed tee.

Sex is really awesome. It should be celebrated, and discussed. It isn’t something to keep hush hush or be ashamed of. It is the beautiful union between two beings. The physical expression of unity. Wonderful! But sex is something Ruth beleives is meant for the context of marraige. Thus, Ruth does not need birth control, or desire attending sex conferences. She is also not so fond of decorating rooms, notebooks, or her laptop with genetalia stickers. Evidently Hosanna and Arliss feel similarly.

Poor table girl had nothing else to offer these girls. Poor Ruthie felt bad for putting her friends and table girl in this awkward situation (she blames it on her sweet tooth). The three backed away from the table. Their mouths said “thank you”, but their eyes said “sorry”.

One minute later, laughter erupted in the library lobby. It continued up the stairs and into the Java City, where the three girls compared their spoils.

“Atleast I got this really cute cactus sticker” said optimistic Hosanna. The potted cactus sticker sat on the table in front of her, the middle branch extending out significantly longer than the two small branches.

“I just grabbed some chapstick” smiled smart Arliss.

“Aww man! They had chapstick? Should’ve got some. I just got boob cupcakes.” said jealous Ruth.

“Aww man guys… I don’t know if I can keep this cactus anymore…” sighed enlightened Hosanna, realizing what her cute cactus depicted.


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