Alex’s Amazing African Berries


Once upon a time,

Chaela, Bekah, and Ruth did not know what to do. There had been plans of going to a swing dance, but those were quickly shut down when they realized the dance was outside in the cold. They decided to do what everyone should do when they are bored in Clemson: go to Josh’s house. Josh no longer lives at “Josh’s house”, but it is still referred to as such.

When the girls arrived at Josh’s house, Jacob, Alex, and Kyser did not seem the least bit surprised. Perhaps they had a reputation of showing up without an invitation.

“Oh hey, what’s up?” said Jacob.

They all sat around the upstairs den, and tried to figure out something to do. It was suggested that they get into the alcohol stash, but Chaela and Ruth reminded the house that they were not yet twenty-one. Ruth suggested they deep-fry random things, but this idea did not fly. Usually a fun game of Youtube roulette was enough to end their boredom, but that was not the case that night.

“What do ya’ll usually do?” asked Chaela.

“Watch for a moment” replied Jacob, taking a swig of his diet Pepsi. He and Alex sat there on the couch, staring blankly at the wall in front of them. “Yep, that’s about it.” said Jacob. “Sometimes we sit and watch TV, sometimes we sit and play video games, but it usually looks something like that.”

“You know…” said Jacob after a little while. “Alex has these berries we’ve been waiting to try for a while.. Ten berries from Africa. They should be about ripe by now.”

Oh boy, where is this heading?” thought Ruth.

“These berries are supposed to do really crazy things.. seriously crazy things to your tastebuds.”

This sounds sketchy. Sounds like drugs.” thought Ruth.

“Oh I’ve heard of those before!” exclaimed Bekah. “The berries that make sour things taste sweet?”

“Yeah, yeah, those are the ones” said Jacob.

“They’re supposed to last a half hour” said Alex.

Ruth decided this sounded like a fun adventure, slightly sketchy, but fun. Everyone else began to get excited about trying the African berries as well. Alex pulled out his laptop to research the best foods to taste.

“It says vinegar tastes like Koolaid! And lemons like lemonade.” informed Alex.

The group headed to Wal-Mart to buy foods to experiment with. They bought lemons, limes, tomatoes, cream cheese (“supposed to taste like cheesecake!”), pickles, salt and vinegar chips, and Sour Patch Kids. They also bought donuts and kettle corn, but this was not for experimenting; this was just because kettle corn and donuts are quite delicious.

Back at Josh’s house, they set up a table with all the food. Brandon and Jen were there, and they were excited to join in the berry eating fun. Chaela and Jacob sliced the lemons and limes, cubed the cream cheese, and poured shots of vinegar in coffee mugs for everybody. Alex came upstairs with the “berries”, which actually were little pink tablets.

The group stood in a circle around the table with the food on it. Each person placed one of the tablets on their tongue, and waited for it to dissolve. It must be said that it took the tablets a while to dissolve, and they did not taste very pleasant! Chaela and Ruth’s tablets took the longest to disappear.

“Wait! Ruthie’s and mine aren’t dissolved yet!” demanded Chaela, as Brandon and Bekah reached for mugs of vinegar and chugged them.

“Oh gosh!” choked Brandon “still vinegar..”

“Ick. Definitely still tastes like vinegar.” said Bekah. “Makes my throat feel funny.”

“Aww man, I guess these berries don’t work” thought Ruth (and probably everyone else in the room).

Then Brandon tried a lemon. “Ooh this is really good! Tastes like lemonade!” proclaimed Brandon. And then everybody was grabbing for things on the table.

The limes and lemons were absolutely delicious. They tasted like the best lemon or lime-ade you have ever had! The Sour Patch Kids were much less sour. The tomatoes were oddly sweet. The salt and vinegar chips were just salty. The cream cheese tasted like cream cheese (Ruth still ate a few cubes of this because cream cheese is delicious). The vinegar tasted like vinegar.

“This is so strange..” said Kyser while eating a pickle. “It tastes like a pickle, but not as vinegary. It’s like some of the tastes are missing.”

Kyser will have to be trusted on this, because the author of this story was not about to experience the pickles firsthand. Pickles are to be avoided.

To end off the berry fest, everyone tried a dab of hot sauce. Supposedly it tastes like candy, but blasts away the rest of the berry effects. Surprisingly, it was really delicious: still hot, yet sweet! Once they were done, the group sat back down in the upstairs den. An hour had passed.

“So, what are we gonna do now?” asked Jacob.


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